Running Scared
by tromana
Summary: Sarah's feelings as her world comes crashing down around her. Episode Tag to 4x24 The Crimson Hat - spoilers afoot. Rigsby/Sarah. Written for Div in the Paint It Red 2012 Ficathon.


**A/N: **I have so many feelings about the season finale and yet, trying out a new ship was the first thing that came to my mind ficwise. I have a lot of other ideas percolating as well, but they're going to have to keep to themselves for a bit.

In the meantime, yes... new things.

x tromana

* * *

**Title: **Running Scared  
**Author:** tromana  
**Rating:** T  
**Characters:** Rigsby/Sarah  
**Summary:** Sarah's feelings as her world comes crashing down around her. Episode Tag to 4x24 The Crimson Hat  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine.  
**Notes: **Written for Divinia Serit for the Paint It Red ficathon. Prompt: Where were you when everything was falling apart? - You Found Me by the Fray. Also for mentalistprompt table G: spoon-feeding

**Running Scared**

She hears about the incident at work.

The television is on in the background; her coworkers like to keep the news on, just to keep on top of current affairs. It's important that they know what's going on, what to expect, in their jobs. Though Sarah is more than aware that Wayne's job is dangerous, never did she believe she'd hear about his _death_ while at work.

The eyes of seven other people fall on her at the very moment her world comes crashing down.

It takes her a few seconds to come to her senses. She ignores the people asking if she's alright, if she wants to sit down, if she needs a glass of water. Instead, all she wants to do is grab together her belongings and get to her sister's. Sarah needs her son, her baby boy. This is the worst possible way for her to find out about her partner's death. It seems inconceivable that just this morning, she had watched Wayne saying goodbye to Ben and now, her son is fatherless.

She's always feared raising her son on her own and now, because of _Patrick Jane_, of all people, that's what she's got to do. And worse, how on earth does she explain to a baby who hasn't even seen his first birthday that daddy isn't coming back?

As she hurries towards the elevator, practically tripping over her heels to get to it. It's only then that she hears the anguished 'not _Teresa Lisbon,_ too' from one of her coworkers.

If her heart hadn't already been broken, then it would have been made all the worse.

Instead, it was at that moment when she completely lost her composure and the tears started to cascade.

Wayne, dead.

His boss, Teresa, missing, presumed dead.

Because of Patrick Jane.

What the hell is happening at the CBI headquarters?

And why _hadn't _she been informed before it hit the news?

xxx

When she arrives at her sister's house, Benjamin is, mercifully, sleeping soundly. Sarah runs a gentle hand through his brown locks - so like his father's - and is careful not to wake him. Just because she wants the comfort, it doesn't mean she has the heart to wake her sleeping son. He looks so calm, so at ease with the world and that in itself pacifies her nerves a little. Even so, she stifles a sob; every day she sees more and more of Wayne in young Ben and it's only just dawning on her that she will not share so many milestones with him. First steps, first day at school…

Her cell phone hasn't stopped ringing since the news report, but Sarah still doesn't dare answer it. She knows what the questions will be - is it true? Do you know what happened yet? Are you okay? There may even be some heartless (or kind hearted depending on how you look at it) soul informing her of the disastrous news by virtue of text message. In these days of social media, people seem to forget there's better ways of informing people of bad news.

Sarah needs a cup of coffee. Actually, she wants something much stronger than that but doesn't dare risk it. Who knows what her plans are for the rest of the day? She's never been in this situation before. Defending killers, yes, but being the family of the deceased? That one's new.

Despite Wayne's somewhat risky career, she's never envisaged losing him so young. In fact, she hasn't really thought about it at all. There's always been the question of whether or not they'll last the distance, but death has never crossed her mind. Thirty four is no age to die, especially not for someone with so much to live for.

The tears fall once more when her sister's husband envelops her in strong arms, whispering soothing words and promising to stand by her, no matter what.

She and Ben won't go without, he promises. And they will make sure that he doesn't forget his father - or Aunt Teresa for that matter. They died in the line of duty; an honorable death. Ben's father was good people - and so was the boss that everyone knew he admired so much. He knows them both fairly well too; he's in the law enforcement business too, he reminds her. This is a tragedy, he insists. While everybody knew Patrick Jane was a loose cannon, nobody had believed that he would ever snap so disastrously. Not with the people around him, supporting him.

He also says that he knows nothing he can say or do will ease the pain right now, but it will get better, even if it doesn't ever go away entirely.

Later, when she's trying to feed Benjamin, it's all going wrong. He refuses the mashed banana and instead, stares at her with plaintive brown eyes, asking for 'Dada'. It's then that she nearly breaks once again. That was his first word, and it's the only one he still uses with any regularity. Even so, Sarah can tell that it's Wayne he really wants right now and not her. But there's no explaining it to him, he's too young. This is just the first hurdle of many.

People keep telling her she needs to eat too, needs to keep her strength up. It's taking all of her energy just to remain somewhat composed since her whole world came crashing down around her shoulders. She also doesn't even think she can keep a snack down, never mind a whole meal.

Sarah feels sick to her stomach and is still wishing that she'll wake up and discover that this horrible nightmare is over.

xxx

There's a soft knock at her sister's front door in the middle of the night. She'd insisted that Sarah and Ben stay the night, that she was in no fit state to drive anywhere. Privately, Sarah agrees and she's found it a relief to be in a full house, surrounded by people who love and care for her. However, that hasn't been enough to stop her from tossing and turning instead of actually getting a restful night's sleep.

The knocking at the door repeats, more insistently this time. She can hear Ben beginning to grumble at the disturbance, starting to wake, no doubt preparing to bawl his eyes out once more. Until today, he'd been pretty good at sleeping through the night, however, this feels like one step forwards and two back.

With a sigh, she hauls herself out of bed and wraps a bathrobe around her body. Nobody else is going to see who their late night visitor is, so it's left to her to answer the door. Even so, she cannot help but wonder who would dare disturb them at this time of night? Visitors had kept coming well into the night, but three a.m. is an unusual time to drop by. She's also implicitly aware of just how unsociable it is, even if you are coming to offer your condolences. Already, Sarah knows she's sick and tired of the words 'I'm sorry.' She's also aware that their words that are going to continue to haunt her for a good, long while.

"I'm coming," she mutters irritably before opening the door.

When she sees Wayne standing on the doorstep, looking incredibly guilty, she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. If she wants hit him or kiss him instead.

She wants answers though, she knows that for certain.

Instead, he's the first one to act. Wayne pulls her into a tight embrace and Sarah finds herself melting in his arms. This is something she had firmly believed she'd never feel again and though she's still an emotional wreck, the feelings of elation and relief are beginning to sweep over her.

As he places his lips against hers for a chaste kiss, she decides that the answers can wait.

He's here, he's alive and that's all that matters.

end


End file.
